When the worst happens
In light of recent events at Aki-con, I’d to talk to you today about Rape. This post may be offensive to some, and it’s going to get heavy and messy and real.
You can find out more details about Aki-con here:
But I’m not here to talk about Aki-con, I’m here to talk about rape.
I have been the victim of multiple rape attempts. I say attempts because no one has successfully been able to engage in forced intercose with me, but sevral have tried. I want to tell you how I got away, just incase you need it. I hope you are never in one of these situations, I hope you never have to use any of what I tell you. But I want you to have it, to know it’s there even if it’s hard to talk about, to think about.
Ok, practical advice from here on out. I’ve gotten away partly because I’m batshit crazy and partly because I’ve been lucky.
1) Ok, my first piece of advice is whenever possible run away. Don’t be brave, brave is dead. If someone makes you uncomfortable while your walking alone at night cross to the other side of the street. If someone grabs you in an empty subway station throw all of your weight the other direction and tear out of there. Do not engage a hostile person if you don’t have too.
2) Don’t be embarrassed to scream. We’re taught our whole lives to shut up. Early in an encounter sometimes there is this moment when you’re not really sure if this is really happening to you, if you got it wrong somehow and you’re going to embarrass yourself or a stranger by freaking out. It’s better to be in an embarrassing situation then a deadly one.
Personally I recommend alternating between making the loudest shrillest noise you can and yelling what’s going on at the time. This has worked for me once in the past.
For example: Wordless scream, “This guy just grabbed me and is dragging me away” at the top of your lungs, wordless scream, repeat.
Keep this up the whole time. No matter what else happens keep screaming. It’s possible assistance may come along later in the encounter. If you keep making lots of noise it’s more likely someone will help you. It also makes things harder for your attacker because the noise is not pleasant.
If you’re screaming they will probably try to cover your mouth. If they do it with their hand bite them. If there hand is cupped and you can’t bite them, lick/spit into the inside of their hand. If it’s with a piece of cloth herk your head violently back and forth, sometimes this will dislodge it.
3) When they try and take you somewhere try really really hard not to go. Many encounters I’ve had the attacker has tried to remove me from the location we are in. I’ve found a good strategy is to throw your weight on to the ground hard and kick your legs wildly. If you can kick them in the knees or legs thats A+ but I would opt for kicking as fast and hard as possible over aiming those kicks. If you’re lucky throwing yourself on the ground will break their hold. If it does immediately run away. Don’t forget to keep screaming.
4) When they hit you it’s going to hurt. When you hit them it’s going to hurt. Just know that, know that and forget it. Instead of the pain concentrate on getting your next hit in. Focus on hitting them as hard and often as you can even if it hurts you to do it.
When you make a fist keep your thumb outside of your fingers. Your nails are going to cut your palms. Thats ok, just keep keep hitting. Hit them with your whole body pushing your hand forward.
Keep in mind this isn’t an old school boxing match, where two dudes put their fists up and just punch each other. Use everything, if they are too close to punch use your elbows, kick them, knee them, if at all possible claw or poke at their eyes. Bite at their face, their ears, scratch the backs of their hands if they have your wrists. The whole time trash wildly. Thrashing is good. Thrashing is really good. Keep your chin tucked against your neck to make it hard for them to choke you. If they get near your neck with a hand or arm bite them. Don’t forget to keep screaming.
5) Piss yourself. I am 100% fucking serious about this. I think the best time to do it is when they go in to pull down your a pants, hike up your skirt, or pull down your panties. If you’re lucky they’ll be surprised and let go of at least the hand that was pulling at your clothes. If possible run away.
Look I know this is super gross, but it’s better to go home covered in piss then get raped. It is. Gross is good, you want the prospect of having sex with you to be unappetizing.
6) Use everything. Anything around you that can help you get away or draw attention to what’s happening is fair game. Fight dirty, if you’re in a park grind dirt in their eyes, if you’re in a building pull the fire alarm, set off car alarms, throw things at windows. Don’t stop to do any of this, but if you can’t run at that moment be as disruptive to the environment and your attacker as possible. This is especially true of your phone. Seriously, you’re cell phone can save you, call for help, or text if you have to, take photos if you can.
7) When they have a weapon. If it’s a knife and they don’t have a hold on you yet run away. If it’s a knife and they do have a hold on you, or if it’s a gun you have to make up your own mind. Most rapists will prefer to not kill you right away, but they certainly do not give a fuck about hurting you. Sometimes there are no good options.
8) If you get away run to a populated area. A store, bodega, subway station with an attendant, or heavily trafficked street are all good options.
If you didn’t get away. I want to tell you first and most importantly this isn’t your fault. I don’t care what anyone else says, what you were wearing, where you were, who you were, what you were doing at the time. It’s not your fault. This can happen to anyone, anywhere. It’s not your fault. You did everything you could, even if you couldn’t do anything at all. Bad things happen for no reason, and sometimes no matter what we can’t stop them. It’s not your fault this happened.
9) After. If you are going to go to the police it’s best to do it right away. The chance of them recovering evidence is much higher if you do.
I generally do not tell. I have not told my family. When I was in my first year of college some guy grabbed my breasts and ass and kissed me in the street. It wasn’t a rape attempt, but it was certainly unwelcome. I called the cops. They took my report, but weren’t exactly helpful? They told me they probably wouldn’t ever catch the guy, but I was welcome to come down to the station and look at some books. I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t see the guy in the books. It happened at like 3pm after class on 23rd and 8th right near the petco. Shit can go down anywhere.
After that, I felt like it was useless to go to the police. I gave the nurses a heads up after some guy almost got me walking to the subway after the late shift at my old job. I was wearing those aqua colored scrubs, and a baggy jacket, going home from work. It doesn’t matter how you dress.
Who you tell is really up to you. I’m telling you now, even though I never talk about it, because I want you have it. If you ever need to fight like a two year old on pcp. Fight like an incontinent feral cat thats backed into the corner. Fight with everything you have.
Don’t forget to scream.